her: hahahhaa  i feel like i could say ANYTHING to x.  he thinks he’s a player,  but he’s not really.  he’d try to keep up 

me: “put muddy water in my jumble box, x.’ 

her: hahhahaa  i’m laughing out loud at work  LULZ 

me: i want to do dirty talk that doesn’t make any sense  to see if they can keep their boner through it 

her: hahahaha 

me: ‘oooooooohhhh godddddd, put a kink in my silly hose!’ 

her: man, i want someone that can talk dirty

so hard to find dudes that are really good at it  

and not just pulling out canned responses that they always use  

that everyone always uses 

me: ‘put chap stick on my lamp!!!’  

i’m laughing so hard people are turning around to look at me 

her: hahhaha

damnnn boy, why don’t you put some more coins in my fun meter 

me: ‘break the legs off my grandmother’s antique chair!’

her:  hahahhahaa

her:  heyyya you gonna lick the salt off my pretzel like a tiger on the 4th of july 

me:  hahahahahaha. i’m so hot right now

her: me too.