i think i'm doing internet dating wrong.
g: wait a minute
this is a theme
me: what is the theme!
g: "i long for Death's sweet embrace. via doing you"
g: you were telling me yesterday you got on okcupid to get snuffed
oh yeah, i forgot
my ex keeps telling me about the hot girl he’s been on a few dates with.
this same girl has since come into my work and asked me to fuck her.
i declined, but may reconsider.
imagine the bagging/bragging rights.
2x the kleenex
attempting to jerk off when you’re sad is so fucking depressing.
You can warn your friendz, but that doesn't mean they'll listen to you
Me: Don't sweat him. He's a fucker. Keep in mind that when I was hanging out with him, he was all hung up on a 19 year old.
Her: Yeah, but I saw pictures of her and she was hot!
Me: Uh, she was OKAY. Besides all chicks that are fresh outta high school are hot. I was the hottest piece of meat on the plate TEN years ago.